just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
