i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
