sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
