Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she peed on how many people?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
