I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's rum buckets o'clock
I have aggressive nipples.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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