did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
smell my finger.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
