Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
