she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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