you would pick up someone in the library
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
