I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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