Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
