Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
whose parrot is this?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
