At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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