You're my little dorito
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
