I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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