just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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