i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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