i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Terrible idea I love it
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
