You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
