i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
