the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
