I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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