if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
