one might say we're banned from that church
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
