The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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