Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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