New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
