The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
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