I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
