Got a toothbrush?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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