Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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