thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
