Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
