never play flip cup with pint glasses
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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