We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
