I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My bed smells like the plague
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
