he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
