just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
