yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I would fuck him just for his dog
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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