ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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