I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my shit smells like andre
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
