why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
