This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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