Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
