I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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