My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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