Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
