they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
