How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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