david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
