walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
