trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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